Historic Decree: All Municipal Pigeons Required to Wear Decorative Hats
WASHINGTON, DC – In a landmark announcement that has sent feathers ruffling across the nation, the Government today declared that all municipal pigeons shall henceforth be required to wear decorative hats by the end of the year. The mandate, titled The Feathered Formalwear Initiative, aims to boost civic pride and stimulate the economy of local hat makers.
“Our pigeons are the original urban diplomats,” said Secretary of Feathered Affairs, Clarissa Quackworth. “A nice hat is the international greeting card they’ve been missing. Plus, it’s a win‑win for our struggling hat industry and our sky‑high morale.”
The regulation specifies that hats must be made from sustainable materials, feature the national colors, and include a small compartment for a pigeon‑sized ID tag. Non‑compliance will result in a fine of one crumb, payable in municipal currency.
Industry reaction has been predictably ecstatic. The Hat Guild of Metropolitan Pigeons reported a 250% surge in hat sales since the announcement, with their “Pigeon Topiary” line already sold out in three boroughs.