The officially unofficially funny FAQ of the United States of Imagination
Yes—according to the Squirrel Protection Amendment (ratified in 2024), squirrels are entitled to the right to gather nuts, to free speech (squeaks), and to privacy while doing their nut-counting business. Violations are punishable by acorn confiscation.
Official policy states: “Cacti are welcome only if they have completed a citizenship application and passed the desert survival quiz.” The current application is available at the nearest cactus-friendly DMV. Bring a photo and a watering schedule.
Because the Department of Mundane Mondays issued a decree that all Mondays are now classified as “National Procrastination Days.” This is why the government has been unable to finish its backyard barbecue. We apologize for the grill.
No, but Section 42‑B of the Poetic Conduct Act requires all rhyming speech to be registered with the Poetry Bureau. Registration fees are waived for those who can rhyme “budget” with “budding.”
The Department of Orientation offers a free “Find‑Your‑Place” seminar, which consists of a compass, a map of the fridge, and a lifetime supply of red tape. Attendance is mandatory for all citizens who have ever asked, “Where am I?”
Yes— laugh‑ownership licenses are now required under the Good Humor Act of 2023. Apply online or at any licensed comedy club. Must pass a test on punchlines and genuine smile tests.